Cooking things

Now that I'm a real live grown up (in a manner of speaking) I was thinking that it might benefit me to learn to cook something. I have never been much for cooking in the past, outside of my regular staples of spaghetti, mac and cheese, and peanut butter toast- which, admittedly, hardly even count. And since I'm trying this new thing where I actually eat healthy food instead of my college fair, I thought I might want to make it a little more interesting. Usually when I'm home Mom or Jim do all the cooking, and I must admit that I pretty much never help (I'm a bad daughter I know). So now that I'm on my own with no money to eat out like- ever again- I find myself wanting a little more variety than egg sandwiches and oatmeal.

So this week I've actually MADE things. I got some rhubarb at the farmers market (I LOVE rhubarb) so I found some recipes on things to make with it since I have no clue how to cook rhubarb. But I ended up making strawberry rhubarb applesauce and this rhubarb crumble thing that was AMAZING although incredibly sweet- if I make it again I won't use so much sugar. And baking was fun because then I got to share with my friends in the kitchen, and I think they all really liked it too. Then I made some turkey sloppy joes for the week.

Next week I think I'll get some more rhubarb and try some different recipes online for it. I just love the taste of it- I love tart things. I kinda have a bug to bake things now- but unfortunately I don't really have the money to just bake whatever I want. I have actually managed to stay on my 10 dollar a day budget for the last two weeks- no small feat, let me tell you, but a neccessity. It is especially difficult now that I actually buy healthy foods. It would be much easier if I just lived off mac and cheese as I am want to do. Fresh fruit is expensive- a little less so now that some of it is actually in season. And the farmers market helps. I usually get apples and strawberries there, and this week I also got some spinach and the rhubarb.

So see this is a healthy living summer for me. Healthy eating (although the Ben & Jerry's was buy one get one free this week- but hey we all need ice cream in our lives sometimes) exercising, and hopefully my mental health will improve as well. I'm working on it- nonjudgeing, and giving myself a break once in a while, trying to get my over active mind to shut up once in a while and stop obsessing over stupid things I can't change anyway. As always the mental health part is the most difficult. Because all the healthy eating and excersize in the world really doesn't make a difference if I still look in the mirror and convince myself I'm fat because my size 2 pants, that I bought when I was practically anorexic, don't fit anymore.

My confidence having taken quite a beating over the past year, my mindset is still not in a particularly healthy place much of the time. But there is progress. Slow, nearly invisible, progress. I try to remind myself when I come across the clothes that don't fit that its really ok. That I run 12 miles a week now, and eat 7-9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.

Its all good. Moving forward.