Now that I'm a real live grown up (in a manner of speaking) I was thinking that it might benefit me to learn to cook something. I have never been much for cooking in the past, outside of my regular staples of spaghetti, mac and cheese, and peanut butter toast- which, admittedly, hardly even count. And since I'm trying this new thing where I actually eat healthy food instead of my college fair, I thought I might want to make it a little more interesting. Usually when I'm home Mom or Jim do all the cooking, and I must admit that I pretty much never help (I'm a bad daughter I know). So now that I'm on my own with no money to eat out like- ever again- I find myself wanting a little more variety than egg sandwiches and oatmeal.
So this week I've actually MADE things. I got some rhubarb at the farmers market (I LOVE rhubarb) so I found some recipes on things to make with it since I have no clue how to cook rhubarb. But I ended up making strawberry rhubarb applesauce and this rhubarb crumble thing that was AMAZING although incredibly sweet- if I make it again I won't use so much sugar. And baking was fun because then I got to share with my friends in the kitchen, and I think they all really liked it too. Then I made some turkey sloppy joes for the week.
Next week I think I'll get some more rhubarb and try some different recipes online for it. I just love the taste of it- I love tart things. I kinda have a bug to bake things now- but unfortunately I don't really have the money to just bake whatever I want. I have actually managed to stay on my 10 dollar a day budget for the last two weeks- no small feat, let me tell you, but a neccessity. It is especially difficult now that I actually buy healthy foods. It would be much easier if I just lived off mac and cheese as I am want to do. Fresh fruit is expensive- a little less so now that some of it is actually in season. And the farmers market helps. I usually get apples and strawberries there, and this week I also got some spinach and the rhubarb.
So see this is a healthy living summer for me. Healthy eating (although the Ben & Jerry's was buy one get one free this week- but hey we all need ice cream in our lives sometimes) exercising, and hopefully my mental health will improve as well. I'm working on it- nonjudgeing, and giving myself a break once in a while, trying to get my over active mind to shut up once in a while and stop obsessing over stupid things I can't change anyway. As always the mental health part is the most difficult. Because all the healthy eating and excersize in the world really doesn't make a difference if I still look in the mirror and convince myself I'm fat because my size 2 pants, that I bought when I was practically anorexic, don't fit anymore.
My confidence having taken quite a beating over the past year, my mindset is still not in a particularly healthy place much of the time. But there is progress. Slow, nearly invisible, progress. I try to remind myself when I come across the clothes that don't fit that its really ok. That I run 12 miles a week now, and eat 7-9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
Its all good. Moving forward.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Rainy Day
Its gross outside. And I feel similarly today. Very tired from staying up too late and then getting up at 5:30 for spinning class. It was a really intense class too and I have been wiped out all day from a combination of tiredness and yucky weather.
On a more optimistic note though I am loving having so many people here now. The trick for the rest of the summer I think will be staying on my budget which I did a terrible job at last month- very terrible. Trying to be a grown-up over here, but it aint always easy I suppose. But I'm loving having my roommate Michelle here with me, someone to talk to about anything. I have to say though that I am feeling pretty jealous of everyone else today. They all are off rehearsing for their various shows and I'm stuck in the office- not acting. I suppose I just have to bide my time and be a good girl until the Fall when it gets to be my turn. We are officially doing As You Like It for our Conservatory show, which is very exciting. Guess I'll have another crack at it after last years awful and dramatic situation with BW's production of it. At least they HAVE to cast me in this one lol. And just like last time I want Rosalind (but then, who doesn't) so I'm gonna start working on that like... now.
Got new running shoes- they are awesome- my knee didnt hurt at all after my run yesterday. Hurrah to that. Its weird that now I'm like- a runner. And that I actually like running, I used to HATE doing long distance when I was on the track team at school. I've been wanting to see if I can finish a mile run faster than I did then. If I recall my fastest time was like 7 minutes 13 seconds. Which isn't very fast obv- but please keep in mind I was 13 and the worst runner on the team.
Furthermore I miss my friends at home a lot. And my family. And I worry that I'm missing too much being away all the time. By time I finish Conservatory and go home it will be almost Christmas. I'll miss Allison's 3rd birthday. I wonder from time to time if this gypsy life is right for me. I suppose I may just be a little homesick, I have been here now for almost two months. Seven more ahead of me. I don't know- the sun needs to come out.
Today's theme song: "I Resolve" from She Loves Me. Should probably be my life theme song actually.
On a more optimistic note though I am loving having so many people here now. The trick for the rest of the summer I think will be staying on my budget which I did a terrible job at last month- very terrible. Trying to be a grown-up over here, but it aint always easy I suppose. But I'm loving having my roommate Michelle here with me, someone to talk to about anything. I have to say though that I am feeling pretty jealous of everyone else today. They all are off rehearsing for their various shows and I'm stuck in the office- not acting. I suppose I just have to bide my time and be a good girl until the Fall when it gets to be my turn. We are officially doing As You Like It for our Conservatory show, which is very exciting. Guess I'll have another crack at it after last years awful and dramatic situation with BW's production of it. At least they HAVE to cast me in this one lol. And just like last time I want Rosalind (but then, who doesn't) so I'm gonna start working on that like... now.
Got new running shoes- they are awesome- my knee didnt hurt at all after my run yesterday. Hurrah to that. Its weird that now I'm like- a runner. And that I actually like running, I used to HATE doing long distance when I was on the track team at school. I've been wanting to see if I can finish a mile run faster than I did then. If I recall my fastest time was like 7 minutes 13 seconds. Which isn't very fast obv- but please keep in mind I was 13 and the worst runner on the team.
Furthermore I miss my friends at home a lot. And my family. And I worry that I'm missing too much being away all the time. By time I finish Conservatory and go home it will be almost Christmas. I'll miss Allison's 3rd birthday. I wonder from time to time if this gypsy life is right for me. I suppose I may just be a little homesick, I have been here now for almost two months. Seven more ahead of me. I don't know- the sun needs to come out.
Today's theme song: "I Resolve" from She Loves Me. Should probably be my life theme song actually.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
June is Bustin' out all over....
Great day today I feel. I finally reached my 4 mile goal! And I feel a bit shakey at the moment, but accomplished and super happy as well- ah endorphins! Now the key is to do it faster. Today it took 38 minutes. Thats a long time to run for a lady like me!
Furthermore this morning was the Meet and Greet here at Shakes and Co and I'm so excited that people are here and we all live here together! I'm sure the novelty of communal living will eventually wear off but for now I'm just glad I'm not living awkwardly with a host family in some random corner of Boise Idaho. And Michelle- my roomie- has arrived and there are all kinds of people milling about the property these days. And soon I'll be starting my part-time dresser job which is gonna be a tad more social for me than being stuck in the offic all day. Lots to be happy about today.
Plus I got two pints of blueberries for 3.99 yesterday! What could be better? I am ready to love this summer!
Currently it is pouring outside. I just want to go dance in it!
Furthermore this morning was the Meet and Greet here at Shakes and Co and I'm so excited that people are here and we all live here together! I'm sure the novelty of communal living will eventually wear off but for now I'm just glad I'm not living awkwardly with a host family in some random corner of Boise Idaho. And Michelle- my roomie- has arrived and there are all kinds of people milling about the property these days. And soon I'll be starting my part-time dresser job which is gonna be a tad more social for me than being stuck in the offic all day. Lots to be happy about today.
Plus I got two pints of blueberries for 3.99 yesterday! What could be better? I am ready to love this summer!
Currently it is pouring outside. I just want to go dance in it!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The illusive 4th mile
Yesterday I completed my very first 5k. After being inspired by Biggest Loser. I figured if people 2 or 3 times my size can run a 5k there is no earthly reason why I can't do the same. I have benn slowly working up to it the last couple weeks- I was up to 2.5 miles- adding .25 miles every time I run. But then I just decided I could do it now instead of in 2 weeks. So I did. It took me 30 minutes and 13 seconds.Not fast by any means but I did it. My end goal is to be able to consitantly run 4 miles at a time 3 days a week. I don't know why 4 miles is my goal exactly. It just seems like a good number to me I guess.
My diet has not been fairing as well as my excersize. Me being the emotional eater that I am I often get bored and want Mac and Cheese. I'm making progress on making healthier choices and not eating so many carbs- but its quite the struggle for me.
I have hope though that my boredom will abate in the next week or so with the arrival of the rest of the summer people including my roomie Michelle! I'll be moving into my new room that I'm sharing with her today actually. And hopefully she'll be a good gym buddy for me.
Other than that life goes on, things are starting to pick up around here, and I think my summer resolution ought to be to eliminate unnecessary stress from my life- which I'm taking to mean men. I think I should swear them off for the summer. I need a break from boy issues- it's been a long year as far as that is concerned, I could use a holiday.
My diet has not been fairing as well as my excersize. Me being the emotional eater that I am I often get bored and want Mac and Cheese. I'm making progress on making healthier choices and not eating so many carbs- but its quite the struggle for me.
I have hope though that my boredom will abate in the next week or so with the arrival of the rest of the summer people including my roomie Michelle! I'll be moving into my new room that I'm sharing with her today actually. And hopefully she'll be a good gym buddy for me.
Other than that life goes on, things are starting to pick up around here, and I think my summer resolution ought to be to eliminate unnecessary stress from my life- which I'm taking to mean men. I think I should swear them off for the summer. I need a break from boy issues- it's been a long year as far as that is concerned, I could use a holiday.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Workin It
So I have now been in Lenox MA for about a month and in that time one theme has continued to pop up in my life. I. am. bored. Now don't get me wrong- I love being here, and I enjoy my job well enough, and I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity. But sadly there is simply not a whole lot else going on here right now. Most people don't arrive for the season for another week, I am making friends, but others seem to be far busier with their jobs than I tend to be. And so for the first 10 days I found my self with nothing to do after 5pm. And so- true to form I stuffed my face out of pure undenyable boredom.
Now those of you who know me well will probably say "Well, thats not a big problem, you're skinny!" And yes I know- but the thing is that over the last year my weight has actually been fluctating like no other and since I now have no "routine" in place like I did in college (ie working, going to class, having rehersal, and a boyfriend and maybe eating somewhere between all this). This was a crazy and exhausting structure to follow, but a structure nonetheless and one which kept my clothes fitting fairly consistantly for 3 years. But now... all I have is time! Or so it seems. And because of my various emotional upheavals I have been nearly underweight (during the "my boyfriend dumped me, I hate life, and the sight of food makes my yack" phase)and now that I am pretty damn happy again I have gained about 20 pounds in the last 4 months. Now... 10 of that- totally neccessary- my jeans were all falling of my nonexistant ass. But the next ten, not so much. And so now I am in the process of creating a new routine. One which actually jives with my life right now.
So I joined the gym here in Lenox and (since my boredom puts me in bed RIDICULOUSLY early)go pretty much every single day before work. I know I'm supposed to take a rest day but if its a choice between being bored on Sunday and eating a cookie or being bored and going to the gym I would like to choose the later thank you. And I am even trying this whole eating 3 square meals a day thing (as apposed to what I did in college which was barely eat anything all day long and stuff my face when I finally got home at the end of the day). I'm working on it. I would like to lose that extra 10 pounds, but I'm trying to do it as healthily as I can. 1600 calories and day- eating my veggies and not skipping meals.
And it is pretty difficult- since I usually burn about 600 calories in my workout everyday and I just get so hungry! Not to mention my addiction to the Black and White cookies they sell at the supermarket in town. You see I originally thought they were only 220 calories each, then I REALLY read the lable and found that a serving size is only HALF the cookie. So upsetting- so they are really 440 calories each. What a dirty trick.
Luckily I have developed a new found love for my morning oatmeal (not even the little packets, but the unsweetened steel cut oats kind), the AMAZING granny smith apples at the Farmers Market, almond butter, and my spinning class. Hopefully I can keep this up if/when I ever start getting busy around here. I NEVER thought I could be a morning person who gets up at 5:30 every morning- but I geuss now I am. I can't sleep past 9 anymore even on weekends.
In other nonhealth/vanity related news I am going to Boston this weekend to do a play. A 10 minute play for the Boston Theatre Marathon which my boss Dennis is directing and asked me to be in. I have like 10 lines but I don't care. I have decided its going to be awesome. I haven't done a show in months! And I've never been to Boston before so I'm really looking forward to seeing it.
As far as the very strict 10 dollar a day budget I was supposed to be on- that is not fairing so well thus far- in part because of the 300 dollar 6 month gym membership, in part because buying fresh fruits and vegtables is a lot more expensive than my usual canned soup and Mac and Cheese, and in part because I SUCK at keeping on a budget. So... working on that. I would prefer not to be starving to death when I'm in Conservatory.
So there is the rundown of my thouroughly boring life- if you are still reading I commend you as a true friend.
Now those of you who know me well will probably say "Well, thats not a big problem, you're skinny!" And yes I know- but the thing is that over the last year my weight has actually been fluctating like no other and since I now have no "routine" in place like I did in college (ie working, going to class, having rehersal, and a boyfriend and maybe eating somewhere between all this). This was a crazy and exhausting structure to follow, but a structure nonetheless and one which kept my clothes fitting fairly consistantly for 3 years. But now... all I have is time! Or so it seems. And because of my various emotional upheavals I have been nearly underweight (during the "my boyfriend dumped me, I hate life, and the sight of food makes my yack" phase)and now that I am pretty damn happy again I have gained about 20 pounds in the last 4 months. Now... 10 of that- totally neccessary- my jeans were all falling of my nonexistant ass. But the next ten, not so much. And so now I am in the process of creating a new routine. One which actually jives with my life right now.
So I joined the gym here in Lenox and (since my boredom puts me in bed RIDICULOUSLY early)go pretty much every single day before work. I know I'm supposed to take a rest day but if its a choice between being bored on Sunday and eating a cookie or being bored and going to the gym I would like to choose the later thank you. And I am even trying this whole eating 3 square meals a day thing (as apposed to what I did in college which was barely eat anything all day long and stuff my face when I finally got home at the end of the day). I'm working on it. I would like to lose that extra 10 pounds, but I'm trying to do it as healthily as I can. 1600 calories and day- eating my veggies and not skipping meals.
And it is pretty difficult- since I usually burn about 600 calories in my workout everyday and I just get so hungry! Not to mention my addiction to the Black and White cookies they sell at the supermarket in town. You see I originally thought they were only 220 calories each, then I REALLY read the lable and found that a serving size is only HALF the cookie. So upsetting- so they are really 440 calories each. What a dirty trick.
Luckily I have developed a new found love for my morning oatmeal (not even the little packets, but the unsweetened steel cut oats kind), the AMAZING granny smith apples at the Farmers Market, almond butter, and my spinning class. Hopefully I can keep this up if/when I ever start getting busy around here. I NEVER thought I could be a morning person who gets up at 5:30 every morning- but I geuss now I am. I can't sleep past 9 anymore even on weekends.
In other nonhealth/vanity related news I am going to Boston this weekend to do a play. A 10 minute play for the Boston Theatre Marathon which my boss Dennis is directing and asked me to be in. I have like 10 lines but I don't care. I have decided its going to be awesome. I haven't done a show in months! And I've never been to Boston before so I'm really looking forward to seeing it.
As far as the very strict 10 dollar a day budget I was supposed to be on- that is not fairing so well thus far- in part because of the 300 dollar 6 month gym membership, in part because buying fresh fruits and vegtables is a lot more expensive than my usual canned soup and Mac and Cheese, and in part because I SUCK at keeping on a budget. So... working on that. I would prefer not to be starving to death when I'm in Conservatory.
So there is the rundown of my thouroughly boring life- if you are still reading I commend you as a true friend.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Massachusettes part 2- I love not being depressing
Big News! I am returning to Lenox Mssachusettes- this time for an extended stay. I applied for the Performance Intern Program, but alas it was not meant to be. But I suppose things have a way of working out sometimes and instead I was offered a place in the Fall Conservatory at Shakespeare and Company! And in order to pay for this amazing opportunity I will be doing work-study for Shakes & Co for the next several months to pay for the tuition. And I'll be leaving in 9 short days to start my work study. So it looks like I'll be gone from the great state of Ohio until December at least, possibly longer. But the plus side? (besides the fact that its awesome and I'm incredibly excited about it of course) Is that it is far closer to all of you friends and family out there than Idaho is... so really I'll be a lot closer to home than I usually am- plus the Berkshires are lovely in the summer and you should all come visit me and see some amazing theatre- its only a few hours from NYC and about 8 hours from Ohio- so COME! VISIT! ENJOY AMAZING SHAKESPEARE! And furthermore feel free to send me mail- the address is the same as the previous post and I love getting mail!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Off to Massachusettes!
Ok so here I finally am in Lennox Massachusettes at Shakespeare and Company. I arrived last night and today will be my first official day. I am really excited about this, I am pretty positive that its going to be a really great expierience for me and worth every penny of the money I spent on it. So far I have only met a few people since we haven't officially started class yet. My roommate is Irene and she is from Ireland and loves the color pink! She is so adorable I can hardly stand it and her accent is beautiful to listen to. There are also two other people from Ireland besides her and two from Australia! I was surprised to find out that people come from so far for this program. There are forty people here and I have met about 10 all from different states and almost all of which arer older than me. So far I only know of one other person who is younger than I am and I'm hoping that won't hold me back. I haven't been the youngest in a while.
For the program we had to pick a sonnet and a monlogue. My monologue is Ophelia from Hamlet Act II scene i. And my Sonnet is number 90 and I love it more everyday here it is:
Then hate me when thou wilt, if ever, now,
Now while the world is bent my deeds to cross,
join with the spite of fortune, make me bow,
And do not drop in for an after-loss:
Ah do not, when my heart hath 'scaped this sorrow,
Come in the rearward of a conquered woe,
Give not a windy night a rainy morrow,
To linger out a purposed overthrow.
If thou wilt leave me, do not leave me last,
When other petty griefs have done their spite,
But in the onset come, so shall I taste
At first the very worst of fortune's might.
And other strains of woe, which now seem woe,
Compared with loss of thee, will not seem so.
So you can probably tell why I picked that one. Today we have like an orientation and some other stuff but they aren't really telling us what exactly we'll be up to all day. They said they keep the schedule a secret so that people dont stress about it and so that everyone stays more present and doesnt worry about whats coming next. Evidently we are doing something for New Years but they wont tell us what. They simply said it would be "memorable" so thats exciting.
As for the town of Lennox Massachusettes: it is beautiful and FUCKING COLD so far. It looks like a little Christmas toy town with little Victorian houses and yarn shops and Mom and Pop restaurants. The grocery store has like 5 iles. I love it. Last night we ate at Betty's Pizza and this Morning I got a bagel sandwhich at Lennox Bagel. Its just the cutest ever.
So basically I'm really excited and having a good time so far. I like not knowing what to expect and being excited to wake up in the morning. So who knows what the next month will bring. The only thing I know for sure is that its going to be cold, and thats just fine with me. I am also hoping to go skiing at some point and take a trip to Boston on one of our days off.
I also won't really be reachable during the day since we aren't really supposed to carry cell phones around. But if you would like to write me a letter (which I would LOVE you for) here is the address:
Erin Eva Butcher
c/o Shakespeare & Company
70 Kemble Street
Lenox, MA 01240
I love you all! Have a Happy New Year!
For the program we had to pick a sonnet and a monlogue. My monologue is Ophelia from Hamlet Act II scene i. And my Sonnet is number 90 and I love it more everyday here it is:
Then hate me when thou wilt, if ever, now,
Now while the world is bent my deeds to cross,
join with the spite of fortune, make me bow,
And do not drop in for an after-loss:
Ah do not, when my heart hath 'scaped this sorrow,
Come in the rearward of a conquered woe,
Give not a windy night a rainy morrow,
To linger out a purposed overthrow.
If thou wilt leave me, do not leave me last,
When other petty griefs have done their spite,
But in the onset come, so shall I taste
At first the very worst of fortune's might.
And other strains of woe, which now seem woe,
Compared with loss of thee, will not seem so.
So you can probably tell why I picked that one. Today we have like an orientation and some other stuff but they aren't really telling us what exactly we'll be up to all day. They said they keep the schedule a secret so that people dont stress about it and so that everyone stays more present and doesnt worry about whats coming next. Evidently we are doing something for New Years but they wont tell us what. They simply said it would be "memorable" so thats exciting.
As for the town of Lennox Massachusettes: it is beautiful and FUCKING COLD so far. It looks like a little Christmas toy town with little Victorian houses and yarn shops and Mom and Pop restaurants. The grocery store has like 5 iles. I love it. Last night we ate at Betty's Pizza and this Morning I got a bagel sandwhich at Lennox Bagel. Its just the cutest ever.
So basically I'm really excited and having a good time so far. I like not knowing what to expect and being excited to wake up in the morning. So who knows what the next month will bring. The only thing I know for sure is that its going to be cold, and thats just fine with me. I am also hoping to go skiing at some point and take a trip to Boston on one of our days off.
I also won't really be reachable during the day since we aren't really supposed to carry cell phones around. But if you would like to write me a letter (which I would LOVE you for) here is the address:
Erin Eva Butcher
c/o Shakespeare & Company
70 Kemble Street
Lenox, MA 01240
I love you all! Have a Happy New Year!
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